A Late Realization.... :(

I'd betta snap outta dat dream.....
Its alredy way too late... I kno.....
Still....... Early d better!!!
Wen did i start falling 4 him???
I donno.... It mite b jus an infactuation..... Jus a passing fancy....
Bt woteva it is... I cnt let it go dis way nemore
I jus cnt afford 2 get evn more close 2 him......
I cnt get obsessed..... Its lyk an addiction.....
He has become a part of ma evryday lyf....
Widout him ma day's incomplete....
So Filmyyy.... Bt alas!!! Dis z wot m goin thru nw....
Neva thot dat i'd once be in dis place....
I shudnt hv..... Bt i don regret it though.....
Cos dis z d most beautiful thing dat has eva happened 2 me
I can tell jus abt nethin 2 him.....
No matter hw bad ma mood z, after talkin 2 him 4 a while, i can see myself smiling :)
But... But.... Butttttttt...........
Despite all dese, i still cnt get goin dis way......
Cos dis z so nice 2 b true.....
Coz, waiting 4 him.... Is like waiting 4 d snowflakes in d scorchin sun..... hopeless n pointless.....!!!
Its neva gonna work out....
Finally both r jus gonna end up as miserable as d word 'Miserable'!!!!

Thot of not pickin up his calls frm nw on.....May b switchin it off 4 some days......N no orkuttin n gtalk......
Stay away frm him in every possible way.....
Bt dis z so not 'ME'....
N i don think i can do dis... Coz nw he's d only 1 hu keeps me goin.........
Ma oasis.... Ma smile.... Ma lyf roxxx 2day bcoz of him.....
Things r so beautiful nw dat m scared whether in a later stage v mite both end up hurt
Dis z wots pulling me bak.....
Wot shud i do???
Let things go d way its nw n love lyf lyk neva b4???
Or prevent a pain 4 an eternity n get bak 2 ma previous lyf dat totally suxxx???
Neway m gonna get screwed in d end....
Darnnnnn..... Wot a Dilemma!!!

D image says it all.....

Was goin thru net n saw dis pic...

So cuteeeeee.....

Many a times v get d same feeling n d artist has brought dat on to a piece of paper in such a simple wayyy

D simplest way of expressin smthin so damn complicated!!!
Well i thot it wud b d easiest way of expressin wot m feelin rite nw, by uploadin dis.....
Hv neva got a pic wich depicts jus wot m feeling....
Dis z d 1st time......


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Confuseddd !!!!

Y is it always dis confusion??
Y is it always so hard 2 jus spit it out??
U kno everythins gonna b fine.... Still y dis hesitation??? Dis awkwardness....???
M glad m not d only 1 on dis path neway....
Despite all...... Der's a warmth in dis.... A spl kinda happiness!!!
Wish i cud scream n say wat i want to in front of d whole world.......
Still d same awkwardness creeps into ma head...n webs all around ma brain
May b dats xactly wots happening on d other end!!!
Hmmmm...... The 'Other end'!!!!
Speekin abt dat..... dese days dat 'awkward' feeling z slightly vanishing....
Its becomin a part of a daily routine
Hv got habituated 2 dis way of living ma lyf.....
Or is d rite word 'Addicted'??
I donno...... Still confused... Damn confused!!!!!
Darnnnnnn!!! M such a dumbo....... :(

The Trashing-Demon Celebration!!!!

Wish i cud slip in to a deep serene slumber...

Bt hw wud I wen nitemares r waiting...

Rite @ ma lashes.... jus 2 c 'em kiss!!!!

( 30th August 2009 )

Uff!!! M gonna kill dat bastard!!!!!!!

Bloody jerk....

He thot he cud jus keep on doin wateva he likes n i wnt do nethin abt it??

Well he was rite i guess..

Wot did i do after all???

Suffered evry damn thing like n idiot???

Like a dumb ass wid no responding powers??

I used 2 think myself so strong.....

Bold enof to liv a life d way i wanted 2....

Neva knew dat deep inside... I was always so fragile...

So weak as d word 'weak'!!!

Sorry i get a bit hyper wen i get emotional.... :P

Pardon ma language....

Bt believe me.... I don really regret it !!!

Finally its over... Nw he cnt do me nethin

M d happiest person in dis world 2 c 'em leave dis place

Finallyyyyyyyyyy........... Yuhoooooooo

2day was d Onam celebration.... Well 4 d rest it was so....

4 me it was d real celebration....n it has nothin 2 do wid onam k....

I was celebrating d moment of trashing away a demon frm ma lyf!!!

A Fuckin Demon!!!!

Shittt!!! Ab iske baad aur kya bahane banaoo??? :(

Sorry ppl... i hvnt told u guys abt dis....

Guess its not d time yet

Chalo.... Baad mei bata deti hoo....

Agar mood hai to.... :P

A drop of tear to a broad shinning smile!!! :)

" Often v get irritated of some of our 'chatter box' frds...
Bt u'll neva realize hw much a person 2 whom v can talk 2..... hu'd listen wot u hv 2 say....really means, until u r left all alone!!! "

2day mng itself v had Draping... Malini D's session!!!
Phewwwww!!!
She always makes ma knee caps both wrestle
Her jus 1 stare z enof 2 make d whole class shiver
Dats Malini !!!
Bt i lyk her... Al though she scares me a gr8 deal, i shud admit dat she's a really gud n able teacher
N do hv gr8 respect 4 her

2day u kno wot happened??
V wer supposed 2 bring brown sheet 2 d class n i 4got (nothin new abt dat)
Den gathering all ma strenghth i went 2 her n said d prob n asked d permission 2 go n get it frm ma room
She was lyk "I cnt help it !!" Not really angry, bt yeah... maintaing her usual serious tone
Well she din really want 2 scold me 4 a such a silly thing
Bt cudnt giv an excuse jus 2 me.... Der wer quite a few ppl hu hadnt brought it
No matter hw many times she has scolded me, i kno she do hv a sorta compassion 4 me
May b seein ma pathetic situation :P
After a while she only asked d rest of d class n got me a piece of sheet wich sm1 had as xtra
Still ma mood got off :(

I kno m being silly..... May b 'Over sensitive' wud suit here betta.
I cudnt stop thinkin abt it during d class
D more i thot abt it, d more i got depressed
It wasnt abt ma'am scoldin me @ al.....
Things so happened dat...... ummmmmm..... errrr..... I felt all alone!!!
Wid not a single soul 2 care abt me n a few hu secretly rejoiced seein wot I was goin thru
It really hurts!!!
Dis z wot i had written in d beginning in d red letters all abt!!
I had 2 try so hard 2 blink bak dose tears dat wer tryin 2 escape ma eye lids
N evn mor hard 2 wear a smile n act cool while facing ma classmates
Cathy was keepin on askin 4 dis n dat
And I cud hardly manage bringing ma voice out :(
Bt b4 d 1st break itself i was bak 2 normal luckily.

>> Den Brunch
>> Bak 2 Drapin
>> Lunch Brk
>> AOT (Appreciation of Textiles), a dumb subject
>> Again a brk
>> FID (Fashion Illustration & Design), Fatima n her Bina Abling... Ufff!!!
>> Yet noder brk (had a chaat frm canteen)
>> Bak 2 FID
>> Bak 2 room...... Finally!!!

I was so eager 2 write 2day's blog
N den as usual, i came n opened orkut n FB
Lotsa frds online......
Weneva i think of not chattin, all ma frds seems 2 find a particular interest in comin online
N i easily giv in too...
N lyk always m writin dis blog late nite :P

2day after a few days' gap, ma frd Anson was online, hum i call 'Thotti' (Coz he's too lean n tall... 6" i guess)
He had lost his wallet along wid his debit card n coll ID n 5000 bucks 2 days back
So he was a bit downcast abt dat
Well i kno xactly hw dat feels... Coz i too hv been thru d same situation
It tuk abt a week 4 me 2 get over it
I was feelin so guilty 4 makin ma mom's hardwork go 4 nothin.... 2 some filthy jerk's hands, jus bcoz of ma carelessness :(
I had cried so bitterly dat day
Dat week was 1 of d WORST weeks i evr had 2 go thru due 2 som other reasons as well
N @ dat time i din hav ne1 wid hum i cud share all dese
Ans was in Kerala dat time
Apart frm ma sissy, he z ma only buddy 2 whom i share ma evry lil happinez n probs...ummm well...almost all
Smtimes i'll hv 2 censor a few part... Bt its k

So dis z d whole point.....
I kno hw it feels wen u don hv anyone 2 pour out all ur griefs n frustrations
So jus lent him some of ma time
Well i did try 2 make him feel betta.... Donno hw far i've succeded in dat,
Bt still.... @least i tried....
Hmmm.... Rite nw he's online in Mesngr....
Wot d hell z he doin der so late neways???
Watevaaa..... Nona ma bussinez!!!
I myself is a nite owl n commentin on others.... hmmm
Chalo... lets call it a day nw

Finally as concludin, lemme tell ya guys....
(In case som insane person z mad enof 2 read ma crazy posts.....)
Do try bein a lil sensitive 2 dose hu r goin thru some rough time
Try 2 b compassionate rather dan turning ur bak on 'em
Giv a shoulder 2 cry on.... a lil time 2 comfort 'em
Trust me... It'll feel lyk heaven 2 dat person
Plzzz don miss a chance 2 make som1 happy
Hu knos.... It may happen 2 u as well !!
Put urself in deir shoes n think.... U'll kno jus wot u hv 2 do :)

"Treat others d way u want urselves 2 b treated"

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Hv i made a wrong choice??

I've been thinkin dat i knew wat i wanted n wat m gonna b in ma lyf...
Since ma VIIIth grade i knew dat i wanted 2 b a fashion designer.
For that i chose 2 b a part of NIFT, India's best Fashion Designing Institute.
I was pretty sure dat I was gonna make it no matter hw difficult d entrance xam b...
N i did it!!!
Bt nw wen hv got into NIFT n started knowing hw its gonna work...
I doubt whether I had gone wrong smwer...
Is dis really d career of ma kind???
M quite confident abt ma talents n ma creativity...
Bt ma experience taught me dat here, more dan hardwork, its smartwork dat really works.
N i don think m smart enof 4 dat..
People over here r all so plastic... So artificial... So cunning...
I jus cant figure out hu ma frd n hu ma foe!!
Ders no1 2 trust... no1 2 rely upon...
I cant imagine ma whole life living with such people...
I don want dat glam n fame.. I neither do want dat tempting 5 digit salary...
All i wanted was jus a simple job wich i'd njoy n 4 wich i can giv ma 100%
Bt I don think dat m gonna find happiness in dis career ny longer...
Not nymore.........
Because dese r now beyond ma dreams..